Why I’m not dating men of my age

Hi, I am 28 years old and I am dating men who are at least 6 years older than me. And my maximum age difference is 12 years. Why? There are several reasons for that:

  1. As you might have already heard, women get mature earlier than men. It’s the first reason why we have some differences in life perception and attitudes and values with males. So, to be able to feel at least at the same level with guys, add 2-3 years.
  2. I am a foreigner who lives abroad, and I was 21 when I moved to France. It made me grow up quicker and learn the ‘real life’ earlier than others. Adding 2-3 years more to compensate the difference.
  3. I have grown up without a father. So maybe to catch up on the lack of male care and some sort of protection, I am seeking also a person who will be able to give me what I’ve missed bin my childhood. That makes 2-3 years more.

So, here is a short simple explanation why I am not considering men of my age for relationships. They are like brothers for me, men without gender role. I easily get bored, feel dominating them and is even able to manipulate guys of my age. 6 to 11 years older is a perfect age difference, explained by the 3 factors above. More independent, with some life baggage behind their backs, knowing what them want from this life, mature enough…

So, where are you, my 34+ year old price ? 😊

Still not French… Neither Russian though

It’s been more than 6 years since I’ve moved to Paris. And when people are asking me a question “So, where do you belong?”, I still cannot give a definitive answer.

Because my home is… nowhere.

I definitely have no roots in Russia. My Mum is still living there and I’m visiting her in the city where I used to live but I feel like a foreigner there. Always evaluating things, not knowing how to behave, wheter I should smile to people or not, observing the others… Plus, most of my friends are married and have children (even several), some of them are divorced and re-married again. That’s the circle of life there. We don’t have the same life values and sometimes it’s difficult to find subject for conversation. I just don’t feel like belonging to that place even if it makes me feel nostalgic.

I have no roots in Paris either. Right now, I have a job, good friends of my age and of my social status to go out with. I am well integrated to the French culture and I am speaking the language fluently. Sometimes I really feel like home here. But there are days when I still feel like a foreigner missing my culture and our special rituals.

But in the meantime… Humans have a big capacity to adapt to the surrounding. When I came here, everything was so weird. Shops are closed on Sunday, really ??? To get a bank account, you need a special paper for that special paper that obviously you cannot get without THAT special paper. Vicious circle. And without a bank account you are not able to get a gym pass, neither a mobile phone subscription. French people are always talking about the money and the prices and taxes (weird), have a habit to complain all the time (weird)… Everything is just weird.

At the beginning I couldn’t imagine that I would make friends with French people as we are really too different. But actually, it is possible. Maybe I’m just lucky. Here I have met many people who have became my real friends. My colleagues are more than people I work with. Even I have already changed two companies, I am still in touch with most of my ex co-workers. We see each other often, go out, have family dinners. Even if I am a foreigner, they accept me as I am, sometimes make fun of my mistakes but this all feel real.

Let’s speak about the language difficulties. I have some acquaintances that do not feel comfortable here or feel ashamed of the accent of fails in grammar. I can say that me too at the beginning, when I have started working in a French company and was supposed to send several mails per day in this beautiful language, I had some complexes about making mistakes and doing something wrong. But then I understood… If they hired me, there is something that got their attention. If I am making mistakes, people still understand me. And you know what, they even find my fails ‘cute’. My colleagues have a diary where they write down my expressions. Isn’t is the best thing that you can expect? Being yourself is cute and it makes others just admire you juts the way you are.

But back to the topic of this article. Yes, I still feel like a foreigner living in Paris. A foreigner that has adopted country rules. Just because I love them. No, I definitely do not like taxes but I know that my life / work balance is above any expectations, I have time to see my friends after work, go to gym and spend some spa time as well (that would not be even possible in Moscow)… I have made many friends at work (that I would never expect, and this makes me even more grateful). I am speaking French and people are making me compliments. I know old French songs that even French people do not know or have forgotten (ah bon, tu connais Joe Dassin? Oh… Champs Elysées…). My life here is comfortable.

I miss home in a way that it makes me feel however attached to my native cities. Moscow is my love. My long-term relationship. Krasnodar is the city where I have grown up. It’s like an ex-boyfriend you keep contacts with, as it brings good memories back.

I am happy to be who I am and where I am now. With all the people I have crossed the paths with.

But if you ask “Where do you feel like home?” I will tell you “Nowhere”. And I hope that now you understand why my words aren’t just a show off.

How to turn the paradise into hell : Experiment Universe-25

For the population of mice within a social experiment created a haven: unlimited supplies of food and drink, the absence of predators and disease, enough space for breeding. However, as a result of the whole colony of mice died. Why did this happen? And what are the lessons of this is to bring mankind?

American scientist ethologist John Calhoun has held a number of fascinating experiments in the 60-70 years of the twentieth century. As an experimental D. Calhoun invariably chose rodents, although the ultimate goal of the research was always a prediction for the future of human society. As a result of numerous experiments on the rodent colonies Calhoun has formulated a new term, « behavioral sink» (behavioral sink), indicating the transition to a destructive and deviant behavior in terms of overpopulation and overcrowding. His research John Calhoun has acquired a certain fame in the 60s, as many people in the Western countries that have experienced post-war baby boom, began to think about how overpopulation affect public institutions and for each person in particular.

His most famous experiment that made us think about the future of a whole generation, he held in 1972 in conjunction with the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). The aim of the experiment « Universe-25 » was to analyze the effect of population density on the behavioral patterns of the rodents. Calhoun built a haven for mice in the laboratory. It was created a tank size of two by two meters and a height of half a meter, where guinea could not get out. Inside the tank to maintain a constant comfortable temperature for mice (+20 ° C), present in abundant food and water, created numerous nests for the females. Each week the tank was cleaned and maintained in a constant state of cleanliness, all necessary safety measures have been taken: eliminates the appearance of predators in the tank or the occurrence of massive infections. The experimental mice were under the constant supervision of veterinarians, their health status is constantly monitored. food and water security system was so thought out that the 9500 mice could eat at the same time without experiencing any discomfort, and 6144 mice consume water, and without experiencing any problems. Space for mice was more than enough, the first problem of the lack of shelter can only occur when a population size of over 3840 individuals. However, such a large number of mice had not been in the tank, the maximum size of the population observed at the level of 2200 mice.

The experiment started with a moment of space inside the tank four pairs of healthy mice, which took quite a bit of time to get used to, to realize in what a mouse tale they were, and begin to multiply rapidly. The period of development of Calhoun called phase A, but since the birth of the first Young began the second stage B. This is the stage of exponential growth of the population size in the tank under ideal conditions, the number of mice doubling every 55 days. Starting with the 315 days of the experiment, the population growth rate has slowed down significantly, and now the number has doubled every 145 days, which marked the entry into the third phase C. At this point in the tank were about 600 mice formed a hierarchy and some social life. It has become physically less space than before.

 

There was a category of « outcasts » who were being driven in the center of the tank, they often become victims of aggression. To distinguish a group of « outcasts » could be bitten by the tails, tear hair and traces of blood in the body. Les Miserables consisted mainly of young individuals, who did not find for themselves the role of the social hierarchy in the mouse. The lack of appropriate social roles has been caused by the fact that under ideal conditions the mouse tank lived long aging mice did not make room for the young rodents. So often aggression was aimed at a new generation of individuals born in the tank. After the expulsion of the males broke psychologically, they showed less aggression, did not want to protect their pregnant females and perform any social role. Although they occasionally attacked any other individuals from the community « rejected » or on any other mice.

Females who are preparing for the birth, became more and more nervous as a result of the growth of passivity among the males, they become more vulnerable to random attacks. As a result, the female began to show aggression and often fight, protecting offspring. However, the aggression was not, paradoxically, is directed only at others, not less aggressiveness manifested itself in relation to their children. females often kill their cubs and moved to the top slot, hermits became aggressive and refused to reproduction. As a result, the birth rate has dropped substantially, and young mortality reached significant levels.

Soon began the last stage of the existence of the murine paradise – D phase or phase of death, as it is called John Calhoun. The symbol of this stage is the emergence of a new category of mice, called « beautiful. » These include males, showing uncharacteristic kind of behavior, refusing to fight and fight for females and territory, shows no desire to mate, are prone to a passive lifestyle. « Beautiful » only ate, drank, slept, and purified their skins, avoiding conflicts and the implementation of any social functions. This name they received because unlike most of the other inhabitants of the tank on their body was no trace of hard-fought battles, scars and tear wool, their narcissism, and narcissism have become legendary. Also, the researcher was struck by the lack of desire to have « beautiful » to mate and breed among the recent wave of births in the tank « beautiful » and female single who refuse to breed and escaping into the upper tank nest became majority.

 

The average age of the mouse in the last stage of the existence of paradise mouse was 776 days, 200 days exceeds the upper limit of reproductive age. young animals mortality was 100%, the number of pregnancies was low, and soon was 0. mouse Endangered practiced homosexuality deviant and inexplicably aggressive behavior in excess of vital resources. Cannibalism flourished while plentiful food, females refused to bring up cubs and killed them. The mice rapidly died out in 1780 on the day after the start of the experiment died last occupant « mouse paradise. »

In anticipation of such a catastrophe, D. Calhoun with the help of Dr. H. Marden colleagues conducted a series of experiments in the third stage of death phase. several small groups of mice were removed from the tank and moved to an equally ideal conditions, but also under conditions of minimal population and unlimited space. No overcrowding and intraspecific aggression. In fact, the « beautiful » and female lone were recreated the conditions under which the first 4 pairs of mice in the tank exponentially multiplied and created a social structure. But to the surprise of the scientists, « beautiful » and female single his behavior did not change, they refused to mate, reproduce and perform social functions associated with reproduction. As a result, there was no new pregnancies and the mouse died of old age. These same results were observed in all groups of displaced. As a result, all experimental mice died while under ideal conditions.

John Calhoun created by the experiment results of the theory of the two deaths. « First death » – is the death of the spirit. When newborn individuals did not find a place in the social hierarchy « mouse paradise, » that there has been a lack of social roles in ideal conditions, with unlimited resources, there was an open confrontation between adults and young rodents, increased the level of unwarranted aggression. The growing size of the population, an increase in congestion, increased physical contact, all of this, according to Calhoun, led to the emergence of individuals capable of only simple behavior. Under the conditions of the ideal world, the security, the abundance of food and water, the absence of predators, most individuals only ate, drank, slept, took care of him. Mouse – a simple animal, for him the most complex behavior – is the process of courting the female, reproduction and care of offspring, protection of the territory and the young, participate in the hierarchical social groups. From all of the above broken psychologically abandoned mouse. Calhoun calls a similar rejection of the complex « first death » behavior patterns or « the death of the spirit. » After the first occurrence of death, physical death ( « second death » on Calhoun’s terminology) is inevitable and is a matter of short time. As a result of the « first death » a considerable part of population of the entire colony is doomed to extinction, even in a « paradise ».

 

Once Calhoun asked about the reasons for the emergence of a group of rodents « beautiful ». Calhoun drew a direct analogy with the man, explaining that the key human trait, his natural destiny – is to live in the conditions of pressure, tension and stress. Mice, give up the struggle, choosing an unbearable lightness of being turned into autistic « handsome », capable of only the most basic function, the absorption of food and sleep. From the complex and demanding « handsome » voltage abandoned and, in principle, become not capable of such powerful and complex behavior. Calhoun draws parallels with many modern men, capable of only the most routine, everyday activities in order to maintain the physiological life, but the spirit was dead already. What is expressed in the loss of creativity, the ability to overcome and most importantly, to be under pressure. Refusal to accept numerous calls an escape from stresses of life full of struggle and overcoming – a « first death » by John Calhoun, or the death of the spirit of the terminology behind which inevitably comes the second death, this time the body.

Perhaps you still have questions, why the experiment D. Calhoun called « Universe-25 »? It was the twenty-fifth attempt of the scientist to create a haven for mice and all previous test resulted in the death of rodents ..

Source : https://steemit.com/life/@fairider1/experiment-universe-25-a-paradise-became-hell

Wedding… To be or not to be?

I have assisted to several weddings, including those of my close girlfriends and my family members. And here is what I think about it (it’s just my point of view, you don’t need to agree with it).

First question that comes to my mind: Is it really worth it?

  1. You are preparing the ceremony at least a year before (in case of pregnancy a turbo mode is activated). Choosing the place, the menu, thinking about the animation, the invitations, people to invite. Fight with your beloved one, with relatives, be about to cancel everything, fight again… If there are couples who made it through without all this – my respect.
  2. Wedding day. Even more stress. The makeup master is late. You were not able to sleep the night before. You are still worried about the details and whether everything is going to be ok. Pictures… You need to take lots of pictures with this love-2-love posing while the others are just getting drunk. You have no time to eat as every 15 mins there is someone who comes to see you, or you need to take pictures again. Since you did not sleep the night before and you have spent the whole day on your legs running around, obviously you are super tired. One glass of Champaign – and you are done. Drunkey drunk. But don’t forget to smile on the camera. Tchin!
  3. Many people. People who you don’t know. Sister of the cousin of the step mother of your husband. Nice to meet you, hey (smiiiile!)! By the way, it’s the first and the last time you see her in your life. And of course, everyone will tell you: you are the most wonderful couple and the most beautiful bride I have ever seen in my life! Bullshit. Many of them will be discussing you and your wedding and be sure that they will find the things to say shit about (oh this jealous human nature, trust me…)

Well, I assume that this reflexion might seem exaggerated. Yes it is! Sure there are couples where love is above all and nothing else matters. But as I said, that’s my point of view. Of course, wedding day is a once in lifetime event (well, for some people it can be two three etc. repetitions). And of course, it’s a celebration of love and bla bla bla. Sometimes, you cannot skip it (parents will be insisting and won’t understand). But. Just. Think. About. It.

Frankly speaking, it’s an investment in drunk relatives and friends. A celebration, imposed by social rules. You will have good love-2-love pictures in THE dress but it’s not even sure that you won’t divorce in a couple of years (sorry for my straight talk).

So, what to do?

Nowadays there are more and more people who just make a reception once the marriage is registered (like this you can still wear THE dress and invite people who do really you care about) and go directly on a honeymoon. Bingo!

Up to me, my ideal wedding will be: register the thing, have a super fancy expensive dinner with our families (mine & his only), celebrate the event with best friends in a club (big celebration with the closest ones), send wedding compliments to the people we want to inform about and… HONEYMOON!! Bisous!

I must admit that this is how I am thinking for the moment based on my observations. I am still single and maybe when I meet this very special person I will catch that ‘wedding fever’ and will do all that silly stuff that I have just described as well… But I really HOPE that in my case my dream wedding will be exactly as I want it to be. Simple. Sincere. With no fake smiles, no artificial glitter and only real emotions and people I want to see.

Thanks for reading this. What are your thoughts?

 

Why do all genius ideas cross our minds when taking the shower?

Taking shower is one of my most favourite routines of the day.

It’s the first thing in the morning. Waking up, lazy yawning and straight to the bathroom to turn on the warm water. From the very first minute under the running water it feels amazing. Do you have the same feeling as I do? The warmth of the water running down your body, the gentle perfume of shower gel to render the morning routine even more enjoyable… Shower wakes you up even better than coffee. Felling refreshed and clean, you are ready to embrace the new day.

In the evening it feels different. The shower helps to remove all the dirt from the day, to relax and forget about everything for a moment. It’s like letting things go with the water flow. Sometimes, after a long day or a long trip all we need to do to feel ourselves better is… to take a shower or spend some time in a bath! And it works, we feel like a new born after.

Have you ever noticed that sometimes you can have great ideas and great reflections that are born… under the shower? How many times you have found a solution to a problem that was disturbing you? Or some inspiration to do something new, to create, to discover… I think that there is this real thing about the power of the shower. I even wonder why anyone did write a book about it yet. As if you think about…

If you are interested in spiritual growth, you should learn how to let things go and be present in the very moment with a certain level of consciousness. We are meditating, focusing on our inner selves and liberating our minds. But in fact, just think about it, taking shower is a sort of ‘moment on our own’ that really is a quick and easy way to switch off the outside noise, concentrate on the present moment and just enjoy it. Feel the water touching you skin, feel the warmth of the flow, smell the perfume, activate senses, release the tense. And at this very moment, the enlightenment comes in an easy and effortless way.

That’s just… magical! Yes, I sound very excited about this idea, but next time you will be taking a shower, just try to enjoy the process without thinking about anything else and let the water flow along with your mind. Be present in the very moment, take full advantage of it and just let it go.

You will see, the result will surprise you…